Excuse me.

I had to admit that the only reason why I did not post anything on this blog all this while is because I’m distancing my self. I haven’t been my self lately, mounted feelings. I kept on thinking why I should update my blog? Why should I bother to care to write? Yes I’m angry and I am sad. Why? I feel like a creep, writing crap in monotonous tone of chirpiness. Fuck, why should I pretend to be happy when I’m not?

Yes I am not happy. I am not happy with work, with my self, my weight; my freaking messed up houses, the way I look, the way i write, etc. To sum it all I’m not happy at all and I’m trying freaking hard to be happy but I’m not.

So what if some whack said I am one ungrateful person, having all that I have and still unhappy. How can I be happy? Tell me, how can I be happy when all my life I was never able to do things that makes me truly happy, never to follow my own ambition, scared to eat that extra food coz people freaking comment on my 0.5kg weight gain, telling me how ugly I am all the time regardless the efforts I put to look good, never once feel special about my self. Soon to be locked away in that 7ft barbed wired, photo-beamed prison.

Until i can cope with all these madness again i will not post. I need some time to find peace again.