Akuarium dan ikan ku sayang

I’m a bit crazy today so I’m going to write in BM instead.

Ini akuarium ku, didalamnya ada 3 ekor ikan emas yang ku beri nama “porky, piggy dan bacon”. Mereka sangat comel dan menghiburkan hatiku. Detik-detik ketika aku gusar sekilas ku terpandang mereka terubat juga hatiku.

Emak dan ayah kurang menyokong tindakanku untuk memelihara ikan sebagai binatang kesayangan tetapi aku berdegil juga, hahhaa seperti biasa aku meneruskan juga perjuanganku untuk mempunyai akuarium, jeng jeng jeng! Inilah mereka dan akuarium ku yg cantik berseri-seri bagai puan seri!

So how’s my Malay? Not that bad aye?

Eppi Bday Krystyn

Kyrstyn Cheah is getting older but whatever it is I know Krystyn will never give up her Barbies and toys. Happy birthday Krystyn!

ps: thanks Papa, for this lovely snap, i love it! i simply look thiner than i am hahahha

I know

I was driving and listening to Mix.fm, 80 km/hour on the road. Some old songs was playing, those 2003-2006 songs that I used to love to bits. It somehow stirred my emotions and my long frozen heart. Oh yes, one of the real reasons I quit blogging all these while was because I failed to really feel and gasp emotions, I was well… emotionless. If crap happens it happens, if shit occurs it occurs. I am sick of things but I refused to break down which leads to an easy solution; not giving a damn.

Back to main topic, yeah those stupid songs awakened me from my long absence. Which made me realized that people like me sometimes are afraid to feel emotions because they are still holding on to the past, old songs in my case reminded me of a lot of grieve. Grieve that only me as the bearer known off. Here I am writing shit that I myself am not sure that I would understand when I’m rereading it.

I know deep inside that I have to stop doing this to myself, as one of my best friend said; one day my depression will kill me if I don’t do something. Hell yes I know that and hell yes I want to stop feeling depressed but sometimes I don’t even know what I’m depressed about. Today dad gave me a new laptop, and I’m suppose to feel happy (any normal human would be happy I guess) instead I don’t feel anything. All I felt was.. well useless.

I had a conversation with this girl from work two days ago. She was telling me how exited she is about her new house and she was making plans to furnish it and I went like ok, now you got a place to fuck your boyfriend. I mean what the hell was that? Since when I became such an asshole. She gave me quite a stare and I didn’t even bother to say sorry.

I used to want so many things in life but now I am not sure I want those things anymore. I am reduced to just wanting to survive each day without breaking down and being in an emotional wreck. Today I went to a family gathering at my uncle’s place. Everyone was there, and then I saw my sick uncle with a patch on his right eye. Yes, his conditions had worsen and I knew he hasn’t got much time left yet I choose to just stay away and avoid him because I don’t want to feel hurt when he is gone. Yes, I’m selfish.

When my grandmother passed away, I didn’t shed any tears instead I took time to dress up and look good for her funeral. I told myself not to be sad or cry because I don’t want to feel that I had lost something. I hate that feeling.. loosing something. I had lost too many important things in life and I was always devastated when it happened. Yes, I’m being selfish by not wanting to feel.
Right now I’m staring at this post and I’m starting to see colors. Something exploded outside my house and my alarm was triggered. Time to stop.

I want!

I had recently stumble upon this perfume from Gucci, its called Gucci by Gucci and i want it. Enuf said, here i come. heheheh

Take a bow

Somehow this song from Rihana had caught my attention and somehow I felt much related to the lyrics. Although this song is actually referring to a guy, I personally think it doesn't really matter because the message that was trying to be conveyed can be applied to both males and females. Read through the lyrics and I am sure you had gone through something like this throughout your relationship or friendship. The lies, the show and all those anger mounted from it. You just want it to be over and done. Just read through, you'll understand what I'm talking about.

You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

An' don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone)
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' about, girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like a re-run
Please, what else is on (ohh)

And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

Ohh, and the award for best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech out

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now

Behind the scenes

Wow it’s been freakin long time since I posted anything on this blog. For now my live is a bit crazy. Juggling my studies, work, pastries, assignments and my errands, it’s a lot and I had recently fallen sick so often that it is now a normal thing for me. However it is, life must go on. So here are some updates of my self. Remember that I wrote on my last post that I was an extra for Sazzy Falak, the episode was aired last week on Astro. Hahahh I looked very funny.

Last week I was involved with another production. This time it was a radio ad on fly fm for Gloria Jeans Coffees, it is my very first time recording for a radio ad and seriously it was bloody damn hard! The worse part is I think I sounded like a chipmunk! So please listen to fly fm any day and maybe you would hear my chipmunkie voice promoting the Gloria Jeans Coffees Ramadhan set menu. By the way please don’t laugh until you crash your car ya (for those who might be listening while they are driving) Here are some pics taken on the recording day.

Chef approved!

Aside from the crazy traffic caused by the road blocks around KL due to Anwar Ibrahim's sodomy trial i had a very good day. Can you imagine i was stuck in traffic jam for an accumulated 6 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn 6! blew up 50 bucks on petrol and had to take 4 actifast today. The only thing that made me very happy today is that both of my pastries came out well. We were taught to make fruit tarts and chiffon cake today. The chef actually ate my tart! he didn't even try any other people's tarts and he said i made the best fruit tart and chiffon cake in class! Such a big compliment to me and the best part is he said the way i decorate my fruit tart is very very good. The chef called my tart as his favorite tart hehehhe i was so proud and happy. Many of the other students took pictures of these tart as well. I had to wrap it with plastic as i didn't want the tart to break. (i really i have to start bringing containers to class)

the front one is the Chef's favorite . He ate 1 that was exactly like this one

Well the chiffon cake was rather a boring topic but he also said i made the best one in class as the cake did not flop and very fluffy. I am really enjoying my self in class, i wish i had this same passion in class when i was in UIA but im very sorry to say, i don't. sigh...

the chiffon cake